Ode to a Duvet Cover

Duvet Covers are the devil’s spawn


There were given to us to frustrate man. And I mean Man. Women seem to have little problem putting on a duvet cover. It must be a genetic thing. You would think that after all these centuries that duvets would have evolved like every other invention. We’ve been to the moon, curried polio, built computers, the atomic bomb. But the duvet has remained the same. Three sided sheets of terror lay there befuddling even the most astute intellect. The duvet is an enigma wrapped around itself inside out.


It took me over 45 minutes to figure this out. I started rolling from the bottom up which created a mess. I walked away for a while then went back. Still nothing. Then I decided to start all over again. This time rolling from the top down. Still it sat there mocking me. I walked away again in frustration. Despite numerous web searches, I could find only one about rolling. But it didn’t make sense, it wasn’t complete.


So I went back into the bedroom, staring at the rolled up tube. It laid their like a smiling baneful log taunting me with its simplicity. I went over and moved it a little. Flipped it around even. And then, like a spark of genius, it unrolled inside itself. I’m not quite sure how, but the cover managed to be inside the duvet. I was shocked. It stood there looking beneficently flat against the bed as if a miracle had just happened. I was stunned.


I managed to saunter back to my computer and jot these instructions down in hopes that my future self (next Friday’s wash day), would find these steps helpful:


1) Place the cover inside out flat on the bed with the opening at the bottom of the bed

2) Place blanket flat on top of the duvet with tags at the bottom

3) Roll from the TOP where the pillows are down to the bottom of the bed

4) Stop at the bottom

5) Find top part of duvet opening (top sheet)

6) Pull it over the rolled up log

7) Start rolling up, back to the top of the bed towards the head board with the blanket

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.